7 Funniest And Most Creative Halloween Costumes

Oh, Halloween. An excuse for sluts to dress like sluts and not get judged, and for pedophiles to say "Want some candy from my van?" and not get arrested. Pretty much, it's a moronic holiday. So, I have compiled a list of odd costumes for you to make the most out of this day. And if this still isn't enough for you, just dress up as me. All you'll need is a bottle of vodka, ten pounds of eye make up, ratty hair, sweat pants, and a manly voice. Add a little sarcasm and you're good to go.

1. Nudists on strike.

This is for those who are "too cool" to dress up. Not only does it require little effort, but it's pretty smart and funny.

To cool for school.

2. The Scream Cast

Guys, the Ghostface costume has gotten old. New idea? The actual characters. It's pretty simple. All you have to do is find a group of friends with clothes similar to those of the characters, and then drench your outfits in blood. One drawback, however, might be that since it's been 16 years since the original movie came out, not everyone will recognize the getup and just think you're a bunch of blood obsessed psychos. Which you probably are. So that's okay.

Lovin' the Tatum doggy door.

3. A Scream character

This is like number #2, except for people with no friends. No basically, people like me. But people with probably recognize it even less if you're not with the rest of the gang.

Surprise, Sidney...

4. A mommy and baby.

If you've seen Happy Endings, you'll find this funny. If you haven't, it's still funny. All you have to find is a girl that won't mind having your attached to her crotch. And a guy that doesn't mind walking on his knees all night. On the downside, you might have some issues with the whole going-to-the-bathroom situation. Also, watch Happy Endings. It's freakin' hilarious.

Try not to drink any fluids while in this.

5. Burlesque dancer after 40 years. And a couple whoppers. And large sodas. 

Some people might find this offensive, but to them you can just turn around and show them what they're missing.

Mmm... yummy.

6. Octomom.

It's hard to top this costume. All you need is caterpillar eyebrows, a mega duck-face, and watermelons stuffed into your shirt. 14 kids will probably help.

NEED. MORE. BEBEHS.

7. Monica Lewinsky

Possibly one of the most controversial and darkly hilarious costumes ever. Just get a blue dress and splash some milk on it. And lose all your pride.

You got a cigar?

5 Things Jess From "New Girl" Needs To Realize

Like many others across this wonderful nation, I am addicted to New Girl, the Fox sitcom starring Zooey Deschanel. It tells the tale of Jess, a former elementary teacher in her late 20's, who moves in with three male roommates who she met via Craigslist.

Her life is perfect. Okay, no it's not. But the way that she handles the bumps along the road in her life just make her that much cooler. Not to mention, her roommates are awesome! Who wouldn't want to live with those three guys? But, maybe it's due to her lovable innocence, there are a few things that she needs to realize before I punch a whole in my TV. Just kidding, I'd get grounded. But seriously. It'd make my day if she did.

1. Glasses need lenses to work.

Glasses are a big part of Jess' style. They perfectly suit her adorkable personality and enhance her blue eyes. BUT WHY DO THEY NEVER HAVE LENSES? Like, ever. I can assure you that 4 out of 5 eye doctors agree that lenses are necessary to improve your eye sight.

What are these lenses you speak of?

2. Winston exists. 

Okay, so I know we were all disgruntled by the random dissapearance of Coach after just one episode. But Winston needs some lovin' too! She always seems to focus on Nick, Schmidt, or Cece. Winston is just someone who she occasionally talks to when she has nothing to do.

How could you not love this?

3. There's a reason you were fired.

I know the principal said they the school was experiencing drastic budget cuts, but did she ever wonder if there was any other reasons she cut loose? Like, maybe... the fact that she rarely works? There were a couple episodes in season 1 that centered around her unstoppable passion for teaching children, but other than that, she's usually pulling lovable shenanigans around the apartment. Her daily routine has barely changed since she got fired.

My reaction when I get my report card.

4. Cece is the most loyal friend ever.

This week's episode centered around the fact that Cece is seemingly drifting apart. And this pissed me off. Because although I adore their friendship, it is usually Cece who is running to Jess' side and comforting her with her wise advice. So, Jess, I know Cece can be bratty sometimes, but she has always been there for you and you can't just punch her in the boob when she wants to party with other people.

GURLZ IN DA HOOD.

5. NICK IS YOUR SOUL MATE. BE WITH HIM ALREADY!

This is what everyone has been thinking for the past year. Nick is amazing. Jess is amazing. JUST DO IT ALREADY! They are complete opposites and yet always have the funniest, and oddly philosophical conversations ever. It is now in my bucket list to find my own Nick. Jess, you have now idea how happy you will make us fans if you just admit you two like each other.

Is this not the cutest picture ever??

5 Reasons Why Psy's Wife Is One Lucky Lady

So, unless you've been living under a rock on Mars, you've probably heard of Gangnam Style, the hit K-pop song and dance performed by 34 year old South Korean rapper, Psy. Well, while doing my routine Wikipedia-stalking, I noticed that he is a married lad and a papa to two girls. At first, I couldn't believe it. I mean, who would have thunk that the guy who danced around in tight trousers with young models (both male and female) would be a proud father? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that not only does he seem like the coolest dad EVER, but that his wife must live a more exciting life than Oprah. Which is hard to do. Cause she's Oprah.

1. You get to meet really cool celebrities

Psy taught Hugh Jackman how to dance. HUGH JACKMAN. Again, I repeat, HUGH FUCKING JACKMAN. Okay, you might not care as much as I clearly do, but so far he's met Britney Spears, Ryan Seacrest, Chris Brown, Miley Cyrus, Kathy Griffin, and that guy with the weird afro from LMFAO. And as his leading lady it is simply your obligation to accompany on his many famous people encounters. Even if he doesn't want you to.

Hugh Jackman is so beautiful I could Psy. Get it? Psy? Sigh? Anyone? 

2. You get to hang out with horses. Like, all the time.

If you've seen the video, you know what I'm talking about. Psy struts into a stable filled with majestic horses, and dances like he just don't care. And the horses just stand there and admire his awesomeness. It's obvious they're very chill creatures.

AYYY SESSY LADY!!

3. He will stop whatever he's doing to entertain you.

Every girl has depressing days where nothing exciting seems to be happening. If you're with Psy, whenever you're feeling bored, he'll immediately stop to sing to you. Whatever the activity may be, sleeping, eating, or sitting on the crapper, you're way more important to him.

My love for you is bigger than this dump I'm taking.

4. He's flexible (If you know what I mean).

Any 34 year old father than can dance like this is guaranteed to be a wildcat in bed.

Psy's sex face.

5. Every day is an action-musical-stoner movie.

Psy lives every day like a meth addict's daydreams. He wears colorful suits and bow ties, dances on the streets, and survives random explosions. He's basically a Nick Jr. character. And who doesn't want to marry a Nickelodeon character?

I love you THISSS much!